When In Rome, Do As The Romans Do

"When in Rome, do as the Romans do," someone said. Unfortunately too many of us don't know what the Romans are doing today and are getting left behind.

Last year my younger son and I went to a high school reunion. It was interesting, as I realized that some people move forward, and others are still in a time warp. Things change. And when things change, and we don't, we get left behind, become disenfranchised, and then wonder what happened or who's responsible? Last week I mentioned, only we can change, and when we do, it must be because it's for us, not anyone else.

My older son and I recently had a discussion about church attire. When I grew up, people dressed for church. Women wore hats. Men at a minimum wore a tie; most of them wore suits. But as time passed, people got more relaxed, and what people wear to church has changed. There's more of a focus on what is within, less on the outward appearance. At least you see this in less traditional churches.

Still, when my son wanted to wear a basketball jersey and shorts that hung to his knees I drew the line. I'm one who loves shirts and ties, and I have not lessened my respect of dressing for church by going in shorts, sport shirts, or sandals. Occasionally I might wear a turtleneck, but the point is; I dress for church out of respect, regardless of what I see others wear and I do notice.

Anyway, trying to filter through the anachronism of it's best to get them to the church than worry about what they are wearing, I conceded to the jersey, but not to the shorts. He was comfortable, and I'm sure Jesus would have been comfortable that I chose not to fight this battle, rather continue fighting the battle about him and his brother going to church. I've changed, but I've not forgotten how I got where I am. God has been good to me, and I constantly tell my sons that.

This summer, Bill Cosby has been taunted by sharing dirty laundry in public. Was he wrong? The truth sets one free, and until people realize change that improves oneself is good, many people will never change. People continue to do things with the only explanation...I've always done it that way. To a certain degree, that may be okay. And though we may not want to fix something that "isn't" broken, what's wrong with a little fine-tuning?

It's a shame that in today's society, people who aspire for different things face the stigma among their peers of losing their identity, rather than their peers acknowledging the existence of a new identify. Imagine Serena or Venus Williams not accepting the etiquette required at Wimbledon, or Tiger Woods dressing down at the Masters. As Diahann Carroll told Barbara Waters "Why, because I happened to like the same things as white people, do you think I'm trying to be white?" It is fine to like Mexican food or Japanese cars, and it does not mean we are no longer Americans. Or just because men start doing things around the house doesn't mean they are less masculine? Unfortunately we victimize and ostracize many of our peers simply because they choose a different route we don't want to follow. And that's okay. But it should also be okay for them.

People of all cultures have their way of doing things. If children grow up and choose an alternative way of doing these things, it's stupid and unbecoming to remove them from your Christmas list, stop calling them, or think they have become too different to be around. After all, who's labeling whom? A Lexus maybe better than a Cadillac, a Toyota maybe better than a deuce and a quarter [Buick 225], but has the person who purchased it changed?

James Watts once said, "Character is doing the right thing when no one is looking." As our kids grow up, we must remember as lifestyles change, sometime we need to accommodate those changes so we as a society, neighborhood, and family grow. Without some of these changes, men would not be in the kitchen, women would remain barefoot and pregnant, and we'd have less going for our children than we had when we were growing up.

We need to stop pointing fingers as we realize just because we change, like nice things, or develop new habits that doesn't mean we are being assimilated by a culture that's not our own, but rather that God is fair, and we should let Him judge people's hearts.