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Author Topic: Ex-wife's boyfriend spanking my son  (Read 54282 times)

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jmreigle

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Ex-wife's boyfriend spanking my son
« on: February 11, 2004, 10:19:59 PM »

Has anyone had to deal with an ex-wife's boyfriend spanking your child? I have this situation and want to know if I have any legal options. If they will not listen to me when I requested  him to stop spanking my son do I have any other options? What if he becomes the step-father?
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~A!

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Ex-wife's boyfriend spanking my son
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2004, 07:58:09 PM »

I just came across your post, and you do indeed have other options. You can rail for the spanking as child abuse, for one. Run the son of a bitch through the ringer, threaten legal action, then follow through. Don't let ANYONE hurt your child. That's a crime, last I checked.

If my wife and I split and someone she got involved with started spanking my son, there would be a legal hailstorm that would land the guy in court.

You have to be an advocate for your son, defend him at all costs.

Good luck,
~A!
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~A!, Father to ~D!, Born 12.18.2003 @ 4:17 pm

Mike Farrell

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Spanking a crime?
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2004, 08:59:00 PM »

A! wrote:

Quote
Don't let ANYONE hurt your child. That's a crime, last I checked.


A-hem, no, spanking is not a crime--last I checked. Yes, this is a very difficult situation. Do we have all of the facts, no. I can sympathize with the bio father in this case. If I were in his shoes it would be very hard for me to know that someone else might be "disciplining" my child. Yes, it could be abusive and that would be unquestionably be wrong but we simply don't have enough information.

SOB? I see no need for an attack like that. Especially if we don't have all the information.

Respectfully,

Mike Farrell
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graceisallineed

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spankings....
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2004, 03:38:33 PM »

I have to say I agree with Mike, you can't jump to harsh conclusions, that is how mistakes get made.  My personal opinion, and please take it as just that, is spankings are an option but a last resort.  My daughter is 1 1/2 years old and she is very respectful, knows the rules, and follows them, and I haven't laid a hand on her.  I realize that every child is different and responds to different types of dicipline differently....but I have always kept the idea of a spanking as a last resort.  I remember having 2 spankings growing up, and I needed them both, but there were better methods of teaching me a lesson, and I turned out to be a very polite, respectful, kind, caring ect person.  So, I would suggest that the two housholds have a discussion without children who can hear what is being discussed, and try to figure out the best plan of action for discipline.  Everyone should be able to expess themselves in a civil manner, being considerate of the others involved.  So, share your feelings be open to listen too, and ALWAYS think of what is best for your child, because THAT IS YOUR JOB.  Best of luck in solving things peacefully, getting into the courts only causes more hurt, discontent, and lawyer fees all around.  After custody is established the best route is out of court.

Again Good Luck,

Paul
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just*a*dad

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Ex-wife's boyfriend spanking my son
« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2004, 06:33:03 PM »

Quote from: alevensalor
I just came across your post, and you do indeed have other options. You can rail for the spanking as child abuse, for one. Run the son of a bitch through the ringer, threaten legal action, then follow through. Don't let ANYONE hurt your child. That's a crime, last I checked.

If my wife and I split and someone she got involved with started spanking my son, there would be a legal hailstorm that would land the guy in court.

You have to be an advocate for your son, defend him at all costs.

Good luck,
~A!

I'm with stupid. No adult hits my boy without legal recourse. And legal recourse is my last course of action. :evil:
 Of course, the boy knows I am his dad, and respects the grown-ups I tell him to respect, including the x's newbie. And I know where the newbie lives. And he knows how he will be treated if he doesn't respect the unwritten rules. Sooo, he doesn't touch my boy. :P
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thomas

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Ex-wife's boyfriend spanking my son
« Reply #5 on: November 08, 2004, 08:07:39 AM »

another man hitting my child? this would probably be the only time in my life where i contiplated murder. not even i spank my kids.
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~A!

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Re: Ex-wife's boyfriend spanking my son
« Reply #6 on: July 10, 2005, 11:55:32 PM »

You won't much sympathy for that kind of point of view here, Thomas.

And Mike, can you really go spank someone else's kid and it is not a crime? Is that accurate? Becuase that's what I was talking about. If you can beat up someone else's kid and not go to jail, that's just wrong on many levels.

And yes, I just checked the RSAs in my state, and it is not only assualt to hit someone else's child, but sexual assualt to boot, if they are confined in any way while you do it. Inreresting, that.

~A!
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Joe Luisi

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Re: Ex-wife's boyfriend spanking my son
« Reply #7 on: July 11, 2005, 04:00:08 AM »

Although I would not contemplate murder, I wouldn't want anyone hitting my children either. I don't believe in spanking. But a crime it is not. I just wouldn't let my kid be around that person anymore.
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~A!

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Re: Ex-wife's boyfriend spanking my son
« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2005, 11:01:46 AM »

steel,

It is a crime in my state to hit a child that is not your own. That's not a matter of opinion in my case, but a statement of fact.

~A!
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~A!, Father to ~D!, Born 12.18.2003 @ 4:17 pm

bartii

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Re: Ex-wife's boyfriend spanking my son
« Reply #9 on: July 11, 2005, 12:37:35 PM »

Spanking ones own kids is not a crime, yet.  Thank goodness.  So many kids today are not being spanked, it is even out of the schools ???.  Now, in growing numbers, more and more kids are not respecting authority and are getting out of control.  Of course, it isn't just because there are less and less of spankings but it is a big part of it.

jmreigle, I would find out what the laws are in your state.  If your ex is the main custodial parent and she gives the ex permission to spank, not abuse, your child then you may not have a leg to stand on.  It just depends on the law of your state.  I know my parent's gave our friends and family members the ok to spank if I acted up.  I was even told that I would get a spanking at home if I got one in school.
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~A!

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Re: Ex-wife's boyfriend spanking my son
« Reply #10 on: July 11, 2005, 01:40:24 PM »

Bartii makes a very good point, in that it all depends on the laws in your state.

What one person thinks is abuse or not abuse does not make it the law, and spanking is not something that should be legislated at all, in my opinion. Different people do things differently with their children.

I was spanked as a child, but I was not abused. I choose not to use spanking with my child, because I believe in a higher power than violence for control, but that is only my opinion. Each of us must do what we feel is right for our own.

~A!
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Dan Roll

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Re: Ex-wife's boyfriend spanking my son
« Reply #11 on: July 11, 2005, 11:39:12 PM »

I am no longer a step-parent but I was in a previous marriage.  My ex-wife did not spank or swat her kids so I did not either.  Many times I thought they could use it but I respected their mother's wishes.  Being a stepdad is not easy and I found it best to try and respect my ex's wishes as long as I had no moral issues with them.

If my wife and I ever split up (which we won't!) and she got remarried I would expect the stepdad to follow my wife's wishes and if that be an occasional swat, so be it.  A boyfriend would be a different matter.  I would have a severe problem with someone that just had "boyfriend status" touching my child or telling them what to do for that matter!

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Dan

teneo

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Re: Ex-wife's boyfriend spanking my son
« Reply #12 on: August 10, 2005, 01:37:44 PM »

I think bartii brings the real issue to light here.  He said 'my parent's gave our friends and family members the ok to spank if I acted up.'  In this case jmreigle wasn't asked his opinion and that has to be irritating, especially if you don't know this boyfriend well.
Had a call come in from ex-wife's boyfriend saying "Son_01 just lit the carpet on fire after being told repeatedly not to play with matches.  I think a fair punishment is a swat on the butt and restriction to his room for 3 days, what do you think?"  this would have been a lot different situation.  At least in this instance some respect for the father's feelings is shown and he has the option to object or make a new suggestion.

I also noticed that you said "If they will not listen to me when I requested  him to stop spanking my son.."  So I assume you haven't confronted them yet.  Hopefully this won't be the case not only will they stop spanking at your request but will be willing to discuss punishments that can be consistant between your two households.  Not only is it not an unreasonable request from you, it isn't fully confrontational.  It's completely fitting to want consistency for children, especially in the area of discipline.

Just my two cents, good luck!

--T
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brew27

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Re: Ex-wife's boyfriend spanking my son
« Reply #13 on: March 26, 2009, 07:26:19 AM »

While I am not a spanker myself, I believe that people should be able to raise their children as they see fit within reason.

My ex-wife and I agreed a long time ago (while we were still married) that we were not going to spank our children.  A smack of the hand or something similar was OK if it was absolutely necessary.

That being said, I fully, 100% expect my ex-wife and ANYONE around her to discipline my children in a manner consistent with the way we have agreed to discipline them.  That means no spanking.  If I found out my ex-wife's boyfriend or husband hit my children in any manner he would receive one phone call telling him to never do it again, in no uncertain terms.  Next time the police would be at his doorstep.  I would consider it physical abuse.  End of story.  I believe that STEP-PARENTS have a right and a duty to discipline their step-children -- not boyfriends/girlfriends.  Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go and should have no role in parenting my children.  My wife was in the same situation while we dated, we talked and I explained the boundaries and I made darned sure to back her up when the areas got murky.


That's my two-cents.
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